


The Labors of Hercules (and Company)

by CalicoCatMom



Category: Atlantis (UK TV)
Genre: Gen, Greek Mythology - Freeform, Herding Cats, Humor, Monsters... sort of, Post "The Claws of the Furies" but this one can stand alone, Post-Episode: s01e08 The Furies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-21 17:20:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15562674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalicoCatMom/pseuds/CalicoCatMom
Summary: Hercules, Pythagoras, and Jason have returned after completing a month of indenture to Medios the merchant (which they incurred at the end of "The Claws of the Furies", which in turn follows the episode "The Furies").Hercules brings his friends to the tavern and regales everyone there with the tale of their labors.What would it matter if he exaggerates a little?





	The Labors of Hercules (and Company)

It was late and the crescent moon shone high overhead as the tavern door creaked open and three bedraggled figures entered. They were all splattered with dirt and bits of straw, and multiple sets of scratches marred their arms and faces. One of them nevertheless seemed in a boisterous mood. The stances of the other two conveyed a bone-deep weariness. 

“Hello, my friends! Have we got good reason to celebrate tonight!” the boisterous one bellowed from the doorway. Then he stopped in surprise at how few people sat in the room.

“Hercules!” called the tavern owner. “And you’ve brought Jason and Pythagoras! Welcome!”

Behind Hercules’ back, Pythagoras murmured to Jason, “Ugh, I’m too tired for this.” He brushed some straw from his ginger hair. “Why are you and I even here? Let’s go home.”

Jason whispered back, “We’re here because Hercules has all our money!”

“I’m staying.”

The tavern owner asked, “Hercules, where’ve you been? Haven’t seen you for weeks.”

“Oh, you have no idea how close we all came to never returning from our adventures!” Hercules replied as he bought wine for himself and his companions. 

“Don’t be so dramatic, Hercules,” Jason groaned.

“And why not? It was a heroic effort, worthy of a poet’s commemoration!”

“’Heroic’ is not the word I would have chosen,” Pythagoras remarked.

“Then what word would you have chosen, Pythagoras?”

“Maladroit, perhaps?”

“Or malodorous?” Jason suggested.

“Too true!” Pythagoras snickered.  
“Yes, melodious!” Hercules exclaimed. “The poets will sing of my labors for centuries!”

Pythagoras opened his mouth to correct him, but then closed it again.

“Hercules!” came a voice from the middle of the tavern. “Over here!”

“Critias! Good to see you, my friend!” Hercules led Jason and Pythagoras over to sit nearby. “There’s only a few of the gang here tonight. Where is everyone?”

Critias shrugged. “I don’t know. What happened to you?”

“Don’t get him started,” Jason warned.

“It’s an amazing story, actually,” Hercules began. “Medios the merchant hired us to escort his son Philemon to Helios and deliver a chest of gold as the bride price for Philemon’s intended. Well, things didn’t exactly go as planned and Philemon eloped with a different girl, but we did what was right and returned every speck of that gold to Medios. Nevertheless he claimed that we broke our contract, and the king sentenced us to a month of indenture. And you wouldn’t believe what Medios made us do.”

“What would that be?” Critias asked.

“Well, the first task he assigned us was to kill the ferocious Nemean lion that was terrorizing the land and people of his estate and far beyond, causing all kinds of destruction and feeding on any man or beast it came across! It had practically torn down his horse barn before we even got there!”

Pythagoras exchanged incredulous looks with Jason. “That wasn’t a lion! It was -”

“It was more than a lion!” Hercules interrupted. “It was a monster! An enormous creature with teeth and claws sharper than any sword!”

“What did you do?” Critias asked.

 

Early on the first morning of their punishment, Jason, Pythagoras, and Hercules were all yawning as Medios led them out to the barn that housed his riding horses and the cart mules he kept for transporting the fine pots he sold to the dockside for loading onto his merchant ship, and bringing back other trade goods in return. “Let me get this straight,” Jason said. “You want us to remove a cat?” 

Medios cracked open the door just enough for all of them to peek in. “Yes. There it is; it got in again. There in the back corner,” the merchant growled.

The trio could just see a glint of eyes retreating into the shadows behind a broken-down wooden cart that had been set on its end in a corner with its shafts sticking upward. Then, with a hiss and a scuffle, a streak of orange darted up the side of the cart and vanished with a leap into the loft. 

“Wouldn’t that just be your stable cat?” Pythagoras asked.

“It’s not my cat, and I don’t want it in the stable or anywhere else on my property!” Medios snapped. “That thing is the meanest, wiliest, most destructive feral tomcat I’ve ever seen. It’s been terrorizing my livestock and breaking my wares, costing me money. None of my people can lay hands on it. I want you to trap it, and I want you to drown it in the river!”

Pythagoras’ eyes widened.

“I hate cats,” Medios muttered.

“Is there any particular way you want us to accomplish this?” Jason asked.

“Just get rid of it by the end of the day. My caravan will be returning tomorrow.” With that, Medios left the trio alone.

Once he was gone, Pythagoras insisted, “We are not going to kill this cat! The poor thing’s probably just hungry and needing shelter. If Medios doesn’t want him here, can’t we just remove him from the property, and without hurting him? Medios doesn’t have to know.” 

“All right,” Jason replied. “Then let’s get a bowl of milk or a scrap of meat or something to lure the cat, and catch him and take him off somewhere away from here.”

“Sounds good to me,” Hercules agreed.

Pythagoras nodded. “That ought to work.”  
“In that case I’ll go in search of delicacies that would tempt a feline,” Hercules volunteered. “We’ll need some bait. The cooks in Medios’ kitchen ought to have something.”

“I’ll make inquiries with the nearby food merchants and see if they want a cat to keep rodents out of their storerooms,” Jason added. “Hopefully we can take him somewhere near.”

“Then I’ll see if I can devise a way to catch and transport him,” Pythagoras finished.

 

When the trio reassembled, Pythagoras proclaimed, “Sometimes simplicity is the best approach,” and indicated his find with a wave of his hand. “Here we are: a cat trap and transport in one, with minimalist use of materials expediently at hand, and with the additional benefit that since it was already here, our new friend will be used to it and won’t be afraid to go inside it.” 

“Huh?” Hercules responded.

“It’s… a wooden crate,” Jason stated dubiously.

“Yes,” Pythagoras replied. “I’ve lined it with clean straw to make it more appealing. We put the bait inside, and climb up and place it on top of that overturned cart over there. We already know he likes high places – see, there he is up in the rafters watching us - and he seems to like that spot on top of the cart in particular. Then we get out of sight until he goes inside the crate and starts eating. Then we quietly climb back up and shut the lid over him.”

“We’ll have to sneak up on a cat?” Jason asked, dubiousness unabated.

“It can be done,” Hercules replied. “Did I tell you about the time I snuck up on-“

“Yes!” Jason and Pythagoras both interjected.

“Fine. The point is I’m enough of a hunter to sneak up on anything, and Jason, you’re touched by the gods, and Pythagoras has a soft spot for this creature and will take especial care! It’ll work. What could go wrong?”

“You had to say it,” Jason told him.

“What?”

“Never mind. Let’s just get this done. When we catch him, we can take him to Plutus the food merchant. He stores both grain and vegetables, and he liked the idea of having a cat to keep away rats. Now Hercules, what have you found for bait?” 

Hercules grinned and held up the dish he was carrying. “It just so happens that Medios dined on fine roast lamb last night, and the kitchen still had the leftovers! I managed to get a few tidbits for our quarry up there. He won’t be able to resist!” 

Pythagoras looked Hercules up and down. “From the sauce stains on your clothing and the rosemary on your breath, I’d say you weren’t able to resist either!” he observed. “Is there actually any left?”

“Shame on you, Pythagoras, for making such false accusations! For the sake of our objective, I did need to test the meat to be certain that it’s suitable, but look, see for yourself that there’s plenty here to use to nab the beast!”

“That’s enough arguing,” Jason told them. 

“I’m not arguing. I just asked a reasonable question!” Pythagoras protested. 

“Hercules, put the meat into the crate,” Jason said.

As he did so, Hercules snagged one more bit of lamb from the plate and popped it in his mouth. The others looked at him. “What?” he asked.

 

Hercules took a long swig from the tavern cup and then continued. “We found the lion’s cave,” he explained, “and our first plan was to lure it out with a big roast ram from Medios’ flock, and I would chop off its head with my sword. But it was a cunning beast. It waited until there was just a short moment when these two distracted me from my vigil, and then it crept stealthily out and stole the meat before we could attack! It dragged it off back into its cave, and we could hear the slavering and snarling as it devoured the entire ram whole!”

 

“Here, kitty, kitty, kitty,” Pythagoras coaxed as he gingerly climbed up the side of the overturned cart. Jason passed him the crate, which he placed on what had been the front of the cart between the shafts. “Come on, kitty, there’s some nice food here!” he called.

The big orange cat had watched the entire scheme suspiciously from the rafters, and he now let out a growl.

“Okay, I think this is the part where we get out of sight,” Jason said.

“Right.” Pythagoras climbed down, and the trio slipped out the barn door, leaving it open just wide enough to slip back in. They found a spot where they could see through a gap in the barn siding, and waited.

The cat crouched in the rafters considering for several moments. He sniffed the air and inched toward the overturned cart, and then jumped down in front of the crate. He hesitated, nose twitching, then climbed in.

Hercules, Jason, and Pythagoras stole back into the barn as quietly as they could. 

They had almost gotten close enough for Jason to begin climbing the cart when Hercules emitted a long, loud belch.

“Mreee-ow!” the cat bolted from the crate and scrambled back into the rafters, giving the trio a hiss and a fierce feline glare.

“Hercules!” Jason and Pythagoras regarded him with exasperation.

“Sorry. It must have been the rosemary,” Hercules replied.

Jason climbed up and peeked into the crate. “The meat’s gone. The cat finished it. We’re going to have to get some more and try again.”

Hercules opened his mouth to volunteer, but Jason spoke first. “I’ll do it this time.”

 

Hercules, Jason, and Pythagoras watched as the cat again sat in the barn rafters and considered the lamb meat in the crate. “Is he really going to fall for this a second time?” Jason wondered.

“Let us hope so,” Pythagoras answered. “We didn’t get as far as closing the lid before, so he won’t know what we intended…”

The cat climbed into the crate.

“Go!” Jason whispered. 

The three friends crept back into the barn. Pythagoras reached the cart first, and managed to climb up without disturbing the cat. Hercules handed him the lid to the crate.

At that moment the cat put his head up and turned around. He saw Pythagoras holding up the lid, and flattened his ears and hissed. 

“It’s okay, kitty,” Pythagoras placated.

The cat swatted at him, leaving four parallel claw marks across his cheekbone.

Pythagoras yelped and dropped the lid – which landed on Hercules’ head. Hercules fell with a loud bellow. 

Pythagoras toppled backward. Jason tried to catch him, but missed, and Pythagoras landed on top of Hercules. Jason overbalanced and fell too, on top of Pythagoras.

All three groaned loudly.

The cat leapt from the top of the cart, bounced off Jason’s back, alighted nimbly on the floor, and strutted toward the door of the barn.

“I think we need a new strategy,” Pythagoras moaned.

 

Critias’ slightly wine-dulled eyes widened. “Hearing that monstrous lion eating sounds terrifying!” he exclaimed.

Hercules nodded. “These two both fell over themselves when they heard it,” he said, indicating Jason and Pythagoras. At the look Jason gave him, Hercules quickly added, “though only at first, and they both did stay right by my side. But I wasn’t frightened, not in the least. We simply needed a new strategy. If we couldn’t get close to the Nemean Lion, we’d just need to take it from a distance, with arrows and spears. That was our next plan. We lured it out again with some more meat, and found a place to hide that was within bowshot.”

“Were you able to shoot it?”

Hercules shook his head. “All our weapons bounced right off its impervious hide! It barely even noticed the mightiest thrust of a spear! It just kept right on eating, and then wandered off as indifferent as you please! With us in full pursuit, of course!”

 

Jason got up from where he had fallen on top of his two friends. Pythagoras quickly followed suit. Hercules groaned one more time before he too clambered to his feet.

Making use of his special abilities from being touched by the gods, Jason noiselessly slunk toward where the cat was washing his paws and whiskers just inside the barn door. The feline sat with his back toward the trio, as if showing his disdain for their ineptitude. 

Jason nearly managed to grab him. At the last second, however, the cat sensed him, and with a yowl bolted from the barn and out across the grounds and into the city. Jason took off after him with all the speed he could, which left his friends gaping.

Such speed was still not enough to keep up with a cat.

Hercules and Pythagoras grabbed the crate and followed, and eventually they caught up with a panting Jason at a junction of a number of streets and alleys. 

“You lost him?” Hercules wheezed, making no effort to hide his frustration.

Jason nodded.

Pythagoras evaluated their surroundings as he caught his breath. “Let’s split up,” he suggested. “If he’s in one of these alleys, we might find him.”

“And if he’s not?” Hercules asked.

“If he’s taken one of the longer roads… we will likely have to wait and see if he returns to Medios’ estate.”

“Medios won’t be happy,” Jason observed.

“We’ll just tell him what he wants to hear,” Hercules supplied. “He won’t go looking for a cat he thinks we got rid of. He won’t give it another thought.”

“I don’t like the idea of lying,” Pythagoras objected, “and what if the cat does return?”

“Let’s just try to find him so we won’t have to answer that,” Jason responded.

 

Hercules’ audience of taverngoers had grown, and they all listened intently as he continued his tale. “Once it saw that we were still after it, the Nemean Lion led us on quite a chase,” he said. “We pursued it all the way to the Narrow Canyon! By then, of course, it was exhausted, as were Pythagoras and Jason. I had to let these two rest, but we couldn’t risk the monster eluding us again, so I went after it alone!”

“But you said it was impervious to weapons!” Critias put in. “What did you do once you found it?” 

Hercules smiled. “You forget that I’m the finest wrestler in Atlantis! I trained Jason to become the city’s Pankration champion! And wrestling doesn’t involve any weapons!”

 

“I’ll try going this way,” Jason said, pointing at an angle slightly to his left.

Hercules thought he saw a flash of orange out of the corner of his eye. “I’m going to check around this storage building.”

“Then I’ll take the alley on the far right,” Pythagoras added, and the three separated. 

Hercules began searching behind and around the stacks of wooden boxes and crates and large baskets that filled the alley, wherever there was a space a cat might slip into. 

He soon discovered that meant a lot of spaces. Hercules stopped beneath a second-story window and wiped his brow. He decided it might help if he stood still and listened for any small rustle or thump the cat might make.

The next sound he heard was his own pained yell as the cat suddenly leapt onto him out of nowhere, clinging with fully extended claws, and tried to climb Hercules’ legs as if he were a tree. Hercules couldn’t detach him, and the animal was still climbing and Hercules still yelling when Jason and Pythagoras careened into view.

“Grab his paws!” Pythagoras shouted as the cat reached Hercules’ chest.

The cat hissed and yowled and tried to bite as Pythagoras and Jason grabbed for him, and dug his front claws into Hercules’ shoulders. “It’s strangling me!” Hercules howled.

The trio redoubled their efforts, but the cat squirmed right through their hands and onto the top of Hercules’ head. The cat then quickly sprang up onto the second-story windowsill and vanished into the storage building.

“Oh, no,” Hercules complained. “We’ll never get him now.”

“Are you all right?” Pythagoras asked his companions.

“Just scratched up a bit,” Jason replied.

“Me too. Hercules?” Pythagoras asked.

“I’ll be all right,” Hercules growled, “but I want to throttle that creature and skin it with its own claws just as it tried to skin me!”

A great crash sounded from the building. Rodentlike squeaking and several more crashes followed.

“Let’s get out of here,” Jason urged. 

 

That evening, a very smug Medios approached the trio. “Well done, well done!” he chortled. “I wouldn’t have guessed you three had such cunning!”

“What are you talking about?” Jason asked.

Medios guffawed. “Of course, you know nothing about how that feral cat you were to rid me of got into Demetrius’ warehouse, do you?” 

“Who’s Demetrius?”

“You really don’t know that either? He’s my fiercest competitor in the fine pot trade! I’ve been trying to get the best of him for years, and now that cat has destroyed most of his wares!” The merchant rubbed his hands together. “His misfortune is going to profit me greatly! He’ll never recover in time for the Festival of Demeter! For that, I forgive you for failing to drown that cat like I ordered you to! I will not, however, forget.” He walked away still gleeful.

“What did we do?” Jason asked his housemates.

Pythagoras winced. “I think perhaps we should not ask that question.”

Hercules added, “And just be glad that Medios is in a good mood!”

 

Hercules finished his story with a flourish. “At long last I finally cornered the monstrous lion in the narrowest part of the canyon,” he said, “and I wrestled with it long and hard! In spite of its dagger-like claws raking into my back and its enormous jaws snapping at me, I managed to get my hands around its throat, and I strangled it until I was certain it was dead. Then we returned triumphant to Atlantis with the lion’s hide! Medios commended us most highly!” 

His audience regarded him with murmurs of admiration, except for Pythagoras and Jason, who said nothing but rolled their eyes and shook their heads. 

“And that, my friends, was only the first of the labors that Medios set us!” Hercules declared. “Shall I tell you about the ones that followed?”


End file.
